Friday, July 16, 2010

Kickball is to me as karaoke is to Cameron Diaz in "My Best Friend's Wedding"

There are times when I am a very impressive person. These are the situations where I am not this way.

SITUATIONS IN WHICH I JUST HAVE TO PRAY THAT MY PERSONALITY MAKES UP FOR MY LACKLUSTER APPEARANCE AND/OR ATHLETIC ABILITY
(keep in mind that these are activities I enjoy--I just tend to look like a moron while doing them.)
  1. Hiking. Sweaty, I don't have any cute hiking clothes, out of breath, bad hair, tired, hungry...there are a lot of reasons for low self esteem here.
  2. Movie theaters. I love love love going to movies. I love it. BUT--if I am sitting next to a guy, I feel obligated to make some sort of snarky comment to him, so I'll spend the entire time thinking of something hilarious to say about the scene. However, the opportune time to say the comment when I finally think of it always passes, but of course I'll say it anyway. And THEN he can't hear it because I had to whisper and it's all just a huge waste.
  3. Kickball. It is so hard to catch and throw kickballs. Everytime I play this game it's an internal struggle between which role I'm going to assume: A.) Useless Girl who will stand just far away from the infield to not be needed for any plays, but just close enough to shortstop to not be responsible for any fly balls and who "bunts" every time she's up to bat, or B.) Athletic Girl who lays out for every play and ruins her clothes even though she didn't change first and gets all sweaty and high fives everyone. It's probably no surprise to anyone that I'm typically Kickball Girl A, except that, like Kickball Girl B, I get sweaty and give high fives.
  4. Tumbling gym. I can do one trick: an imperfect front flip. And this still results in me being mocked, so when I'm at the tumbling gym, I mostly jump on the trampolines and hope someone will come talk to me. Also, the foam pit looks fun, and it is, until you are straining for air and thinking that you will die in there because you will never be able to get out.
  5. Swimming. It's not so much the swimming itself, but my post-swimming appearance is just ridiculous. Wet dog hair, drippy mascara eyes, zits revealed, middle part, bad bangs...nasty.
So if you want to look waaaaaay cooler than me, plan a party where we do one or all of these activities!

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