Sunday, June 26, 2011

"Codswallop, in my opinion."

So I have been doing my biannual reading of the Harry Potter series, and as I'm finishing Sorcerer's Stone, something has been weighing on my mind: Hagrid. Have you noticed that he always just makes everything worse for our three heroes? And not just "worse" as in "slightly annoying"--his actions consistently make life more miserable for them than it already is. Sure, he redeems himself a few times, but I can think of times in each book where Hagrid ruins stuff for Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

EXAMPLES OF HAGRID MAKING LIFE WAY HARDER THAN IT HAS TO BE:
  • Sorcerer's Stone: He sends Harry and Hermione on a secret, against-the-rules mission to the tallest (and off-limits outside of class) Astronomy tower carrying a freaking dragon. They both lose 50 points for Gryffindor and get detention. And for detention, they do a favor for Hagrid, even though it's his fault they're in trouble in the first place.
  • Chamber of Secrets: Aragog. Really? He knows that Harry and Ron are twelve-year-olds who shouldn't be seeking out gigantic spiders, right?
  • Prisoner of Azkaban: He gets the gang to research all that stuff for Buckbeak's trial and then guilts them into coming to the execution, despite the fact that they'll get their butts kicked right out of school if they get caught.
  • Goblet of Fire: The Blast Ended Skrewts. Seriously. AND he keeps ditching the gang for Madame Maxime--whatever happened to bros before hoes?
  • Order of the Phoenix: Uh, Grawp?? Was that ever going to end well?
  • Half-Blood Prince: He gets all huffy when the gang drops out of Care of Magical Creatures. What is that? It's nothing personal, dude--you'll be FINE. That is just stress that these poor kids do not need.
  • Deathly Hallows: Let's talk about Hagrid and Harry's disastrous trip to Tonks' parents' house, shall we? Everything goes wrong, and much of it could've been prevented if Hagrid hadn't added crazy crap to Sirius' motorcycle. For example: Harry's sidecar wouldn't have DETACHED from the bike. And that's just for starters.
I could go on. But I won't. I believe I have made my point.

And I do like Hagrid, I do! I have just recently noticed how doofy he can truly be.

And here's a video:



The very last second kills me.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Welcome to the land of fame excess

This weekend I visited Carly in L.A.! It was a tiny vacation, but we packed the three days I was there with a serious crapload of fun. Watch out; here come a gazillion pictures:

On Friday, we explored Grauman's Chinese Theater, and it was extremely cool to see the hand- and footprints of actual legends like Cary Grant and Gene Kelly.

Even Paul Newman's handprints are hot

RDJ and I have basically held hands now...or at least touched palms

(not unlike this)

And then there was this thing that happened...I guess it's a funny picture, but the look of what appears to be true love on my face is mortifying. 

We also met up with our awesome friend Alarie, who's now living in L.A. with her husband--it had been way too long and was so fun to see her!

And then...DISNEYLAND. We got there at nine AM and stayed until midnight and made every second count!

The new Star Tours was ROCKIN, and we looked awesome in the 3D glasses duh

The happiest girl on earth

And now for some ride documentation:

Splash Mountain

Space Mountain--pure glee

Tower of Terror

California Screamin

Main Street, USA: the world's best street. And home of the world's best pickles.

Alarie and Ryan met up with us to watch the fireworks and Fantasmic! Perfect end to a seriously perfect day

Large Marge has finally done Disneyland!

Until next time, Walt.



Wednesday, June 15, 2011

I am going to Disneyland in 3 days and can't focus on my work

For some reason, I think flow charts and graphs and things can be really, really funny. They're some of those irrational objects that make you laugh and it doesn't make sense.

THINGS THAT MAKE ME LAUGH AND I DON'T ALWAYS KNOW WHY:
  1. Flow charts/bar graphs/pie charts that are diagramming funny things
  2. Posters/picture frames falling off of walls
  3. Lolcatz
  4. Palindromes
  5. When people do that thing where one person stands behind the other and makes it look like his arms are the other person's
so when my awesome friend/co-worker Karisa showed me this website GraphJam.com, I died a little bit. Here were some top ones:
funny graphs - I Think You Missed a Spot, Kiddo
see more Funny Graphs

funny graphs - You'll Miss the Climax if You Go
see more Funny Graphs

funny graphs - Id Est  
see more Funny Graphs

funny graphs - I Am the Cookie Monster
see more Funny Graphs
funny graphs - Re-Plotted: Also, Porridge
see more Funny Graphs

funny graphs - Please, Take None
see more Funny Graphs

PS Remember how I get to go to L.A. TOMORROW?? Carly J, here I come!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Official June 2011 Playlist

It might be a little early to declare a summer playlist, but I've already gotten a Seven Peaks sunburn, so I've decided that the time has come.
  1. "Eternal Flame"--The Bangles
  2. "My Sharona"--The Knack (used to perfection in Super 8)
  3. "Private Idaho"--The B-52s
  4. "Love Shack"--The B-52s (two B-52s songs, you ask? YES. Because "B-52s" is Canady for summertime)
  5. "All I Wanted was a Car"--Brad Paisley (because summer is when country music is highly appropriate)
  6. "The Rock Show"--Blink 182
  7. "Africa"--Toto (this belongs on every playlist ever)
  8. "It Makes Me Ill"--NSYNC
  9. "Bad Medicine"--Bon Jovi
  10. "Hot in Herre"--Nelly
  11. "Heat of the Moment"--Asia
  12. "Separate Ways"--Journey
  13. "Let's Go"--The Cars
  14. "Tubthumping"--Chumbawamba
  15. "E.T."--Katy Perry (still love it, sans Kanye)
  16. "It Takes Two"--Rob Base
  17. "To Be With You"--Mr. Big
I bask in these sounds every morning now, and every morning I know that the construction workers fixing the roof next door must be so grateful that I have such amazing taste in music and that I am kind enough to keep my window open so they can hear.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Your ears will be so happy to be hearing these perfect creations

If I were to make a list of things that thrill me*, awesome mashups would be very high on that list. Here are the most awesome mashups that have been thrilling me left and right lately:

(And sorry that they don't all show at once...that's annoying)








And here is the absolute best mashup known to the modern world:


*Obviously this list is now in the works; expect to have it forced upon you soon

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Recipe for Solving Any Problem


  1. Sixty minutes of hilarious and uplifting conversation with Baby B
  2. Five consecutive listens of "She's Always a Woman" by Billy Joel
  3. One viewing of Inglourious Basterds
  4. Two viewings of 500 Days of Summer
  5. One shiny new Ensign
  6. One can of Spaghettios
  7. One one-person dance party to "Shoop" by Salt-N-Pepa
  8. Nine days' worth of anticipation for a trip to L.A. to visit C-Cur and fulfill a lifelong goal of going to Disneyland together
Carefully combine ingredients and let them sit in your brain for at least eight hours while you sleep. If the problem persists, go buy a Hot and Ready from Little Caesars and watch 500 Days of Summer again.

Monday, June 6, 2011

But you don't have to take MY word for it...

I just realized that I have been on an inadvertent internet-TV fast. Instead of my usual Netflix/Hulu binges of "My So-Called Life," "Parks and Rec," and "Glee," I've been reading! It is sad how unbelievable this is. I used to be a "crazy-ass reader"*--my entire summers used to be dedicated to only two things:
  1. neighborhood swim team
  2. filling up those summer reading program charts at the public library and earning amazing prizes, such as erasers in cool shapes and those toy ice cream cones that shoot out at people

From the ages of 9 to 13, I would fill a whole freaking wagon with books and have them all finished in like two days! I swear I have read the entire literary canons of both Ann M. Martin and Lois Duncan. I was such an awesome kid!!

And now I am a college student with a melted brain. I am officially going to get back to my roots.

*one time this phrase popped out of my mouth on accident...it turns out that it is an accurate description

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Stormin through the party like my name was El Niño

I listened to this song like 4 times in a row this morning. Punks were the hipsters of the early 2000s, with their warped tours and their Adidas Superstars, their checkerboard belts and their tube socks...I miss that as the primary alternative culture.