Sunday, June 26, 2011

"Codswallop, in my opinion."

So I have been doing my biannual reading of the Harry Potter series, and as I'm finishing Sorcerer's Stone, something has been weighing on my mind: Hagrid. Have you noticed that he always just makes everything worse for our three heroes? And not just "worse" as in "slightly annoying"--his actions consistently make life more miserable for them than it already is. Sure, he redeems himself a few times, but I can think of times in each book where Hagrid ruins stuff for Harry, Ron, and Hermione.

  • Sorcerer's Stone: He sends Harry and Hermione on a secret, against-the-rules mission to the tallest (and off-limits outside of class) Astronomy tower carrying a freaking dragon. They both lose 50 points for Gryffindor and get detention. And for detention, they do a favor for Hagrid, even though it's his fault they're in trouble in the first place.
  • Chamber of Secrets: Aragog. Really? He knows that Harry and Ron are twelve-year-olds who shouldn't be seeking out gigantic spiders, right?
  • Prisoner of Azkaban: He gets the gang to research all that stuff for Buckbeak's trial and then guilts them into coming to the execution, despite the fact that they'll get their butts kicked right out of school if they get caught.
  • Goblet of Fire: The Blast Ended Skrewts. Seriously. AND he keeps ditching the gang for Madame Maxime--whatever happened to bros before hoes?
  • Order of the Phoenix: Uh, Grawp?? Was that ever going to end well?
  • Half-Blood Prince: He gets all huffy when the gang drops out of Care of Magical Creatures. What is that? It's nothing personal, dude--you'll be FINE. That is just stress that these poor kids do not need.
  • Deathly Hallows: Let's talk about Hagrid and Harry's disastrous trip to Tonks' parents' house, shall we? Everything goes wrong, and much of it could've been prevented if Hagrid hadn't added crazy crap to Sirius' motorcycle. For example: Harry's sidecar wouldn't have DETACHED from the bike. And that's just for starters.
I could go on. But I won't. I believe I have made my point.

And I do like Hagrid, I do! I have just recently noticed how doofy he can truly be.

And here's a video:

The very last second kills me.

1 comment:

  1. You know who else causes problems? DOBBY. Also doofy. Even though I did cry when he died.


Give it to me straight.