Hunger Games Limericks

I like to write limericks.

I once knew a tribute named Katniss
Whose mood I will describe as pure piss
She's so mean to Peeta
Who couldn't be sweet-ah
Girl, take that stick out of your anus.

Finnick is in Catching Fire
Of looking at him no one tires
Suzanne wrote him well
He's hotter than hell
I wonder which actor they'll hire.

Primrose oh isn't she darling
Except that she sounds super boring
She milks that dumb goat
On her Katniss dotes
And that's the extent of her being.

Gale, I regard you so highly
In the previews you seem pretty smiley
You have real thick hair
I can't help but stare
But you're dumb to be macking on Miley.

My Ultra-Special Oscar Reactions

QUICK OSCAR FEELINGS:

First of all, I've decided that my favorite dress of the evening was Ellie Kemper's. I love the colors--sort of an autumn harvest firework sequin explosion. Love it. I also loved Octavia Spencer's dress, and once Gwyneth got rid of that cape thing, I liked hers, too.

"Hi I'm Ellie Kemper, and doesn't my dress make you want to drink cider from a fancy goblet?"

Another highlight was, of course, Robert Downey Jr., who always steals the whole show with his presentations and his hotness. Seriously, do the world a favor and hire him and Jude as hosts.

I would've been happy watching only that camera angle for the duration of the Oscar broadcast. Just saying

Next highlight: Tom Cruise! He looked amazing! He WORE that navy blue suit. Our Oscar-watching posse was speechless for a second, and then we couldn't shut up about him. Dang.

"Hi I'm Tom Cruise, and MI:4 was awesome and EVERYONE KNOWS IT."

Bonus: I thought that I spied Pharrell in that weirdo music balcony, and whilst perusing Entertainment Weekly's red carpet recap, I came across this little snapshot. Lookin good, Pharrell.

"Hi I'm Pharrell; I get invited to everything because I'm a Bad A"

Well, now I need to go Redbox The Artist! And Hugo.

...Can't Lose

Today I watched the last episode of Friday Night Lights, and I was a wreck, just like everyone told me I would be. Check out these mascara trails:

"Don't mind me, I'll just be here, taking television way too seriously."

I took this next picture on accident while my camera was zoomed in all the way. I laughed reeeeally hard when I saw myself at my most pathetic.

"Matt Saracen wahhhhh"

Dang. This was the best show ever. The only truly unrealistic part of the whole series was that Buddy Garrity could've ever had a daughter as hot as Lyla. I mean, come on.

In other news, does anyone have Matt Saracen's phone number?

A picture is worth a thousand smiley-face emoticons

This picture is my new motto in life:

The best* present a person could give me would be this photo screen-printed on a hood-less sweatshirt.

*Technically the best present would be an all expenses-paid year-long trip to Disneyworld. But I would look totally boss AND bring balance to the Force in a sweatshirt like this.

It's all led up to this

It turns out that my obsessions with Friday Night Lights and Taylor Swift couldn't have been more impeccably timed.



Zach Gilford/Matt Saracen, you are too precious for mine eyes.

Birthday and other random things

Last Saturday was my mom's birthday, and today is my brother Austin's birthday! Quite the week for the Canadys. Austin is a whopping 17 years old, which seems a bit ridiculous because, I mean, I'm 17, right? But I'm supposed to be seven years older than him...which would mean I'm turning 24 this year...but that can't possibly be right.

Anyway, I love Mom and Austin SO MUCH and will forever and ever. Happy birthday week! Here is a picture of our family in 2003. We are spectacular.

Also, here's my latest nail experiment. I'm so in love with this one that I might just have to dedicate "Sparks Fly" by Taylor Swift to it. (Lately Kylie, Rachel, and I have a fever, and the only prescription is MORE TAYLOR SWIFT) 

Also, Kylie and I saw Sherlock Holmes 2 at the dollar theater last night, and guess what? That movie still rocks the fourth time you see it.

"Hi, we will haunt your dreams."

I had caffeine with dinner and can't sleep, so here is a list

All the Concerts I Have Ever Gone To

(I tried writing that without ending with a preposition, but it looked confusing and also made me look like a d-bag)

• LMNT, Baha Men, and A-Teens, 2002
  They performed at Fiddler's Green, an outdoor amphitheater near my house in Colorado, at a Radio Disney Jams concert. My friends and I rode there in a limo for my friend Kelly's birthday. We were in 8th grade. It was AWESOME. A guy from LMNT signed my shoe. Because that sounded like a very, very, very good idea at the time. Because I was in 8th grade.

The guy who is trying and failing to have Timberlake curls is the one who signed my shoe.

• Maroon 5*, 2005
• The Who and the Pretenders*, 2006
• Ben Lee and Rooney*, 2006
• Ben Folds and John Mayer, 2007*
• Jonas Brothers, 2009
• Backstreet Boys, 2010
• Greg Laswell and Harper Blynn**, 2010
• Bon Jovi, 2011
• Greg Laswell and Lenka**, 2011
• Journey, Foreigner, and Night Ranger, 2011
• Styx and REO Speedwagon, 2011
• Lady Danville, Lenka, and Jack's Mannequin**, 2011
• Mat Kearney**, 2012

Candace and me last week at Mat Kearney, who totally won me over. He put on a great show.

*I attended with my dad

**I attended with Candace Carlile

I love concerts.

In other news, I have been listening to "Better than Revenge" by Taylor Swift over and over and over all day.

And in even other news, a miracle happened to me today. It's always nice to be reminded that yep, miracles happen--even to demented weirdos such as myself.

Just one anecdote of our amazing life in the dorms

Once upon a time, in a beautiful kingdom called Helaman Halls, two freshmen coeds named Jordyn and Alex were very excited about the 2008 Super Bowl in which a handsome quarterback named Tom Brady would be playing. The girls went to their favorite classy boutique, Gen-X, and screen-printed matching shirts for the occasion.

Four years later, the Patriots played in another Super Bowl, and so what did those two crazies do? We wore those shirts that we made especially for our good friend/stalkee, Tom Brady.

There are really only two differences between the first time we wore these shirts and the second: A. that hair of mine, and B. oh not much, just a WEDDING RING because Alex is now madly in love. Ironically, her husband has seen us wear these shirts both times--first at Ward Prayer in May Hall, and then at this year's Super Bowl Party.

Texas Forever

So the last time I posted pictures of my fingernail adventures, I was showered in compliments; thus, here is my latest project. I followed this splatter nail tutorial, and I feel pretty good about the results.

Plus, without doing it on purpose, I did it using Dillon Panther colors! PANTHERAMA!

I'd do your homework for you if I were a rally girl, Riggins.

It applies to Britney Spears, too, obviously

I was flipping through a book entitled Fortune Telling Birthday Book, by Arliene B. Clarke, and of course I looked up my birthday because I am a huge sucker for anything resembling a personality quiz. Especially ones where I don't actually have to answer any questions.

DECEMBER 2:

"You are ambitious, persistent, and shrewd. You have high ideals and are unforgiving toward wrongdoings. You enjoy entertaining, love music and good literature, and strive to improve yourself. Although sometimes impractical and temperamental, you are loving and happy most of the time."

I think it is basically accurate! Lately it seems like the "unforgiving towards wrongdoings," "impractical," and "temperamental" parts are especially true.

In other news, I am about to go to bed a.) before 1 a.m. and b.) with my face washed. I think it's because Friday Night Lights is inspiring me to be a better person.

Maybe someday Serena Williams and I will open a mani-pedi salon together

Some people have creative outlets through which they can relieve stress and feel the satisfaction that comes with creating something beautiful--outlets like painting or pottery or writing songs. Currently my creative outlet of choice is nail-painting. Here are some of my experiments:

Oddly enough, it is a little satisfying when it turns out just right. Is that sad? I'd like to believe that it isn't.

In other news, today I started watching Friday Night Lights, and though I am a mere three episodes in, I already love it.

Someone should play me a song on the world's smallest violin

There is this awesome website which my estranged BFF Becky showed me last year called Thought Catalog, where they post essays mostly about dating/pop culture/feelings--basically the topics about which I most want to read. Today they posted one by Brandon Scott Gorrell called "10 Things You Do When You Just Don't Want to Deal with People," and it made me laugh really hard because he had written down some of my exact behaviors of late. Check this out:


"Stay in bed until noon or 1 p.m. watching Netflix Instant under the pretext that you’re bored and that there’s nothing to do while aware that this behavior is actually a self-perpetuating loop in which continually and passively affirming that you’re bored and that there’s nothing to do by not doing anything at all reinforces the boring concrete reality that nothing is happening (and that it’d likely to cease if you got out of bed and did things)."

I believe yesterday I fessed up to this exact thing right here on this blog.

 "Hear someone coming up the stairs toward your room and freeze when they knock on your door, attempting to remain motionless and silent. Once the person leaves, walk as quietly to the door as possible and lock it." 

Yeah. Someday, when my life is a movie, there will be a montage of me doing this throughout my lifetime (at all ages. I've never liked answering the door while I'm home alone. Either it is a stranger and thus potentially a burglar or rapist, or it is someone who knows me and now knows that I am sitting at home by myself and not out doing something cool), including like five times in the last week.

"Field a few emails and texts that aren’t ‘good enough,’ as if any text or email could be ‘good enough’ in the state you’re in. The only text/ email you could receive that could possibly be good enough is one from the ex you’re still kind of in love with saying that she’s hopeless without you and that she needs you to continue living, or one from someone offering a huge contract that will double your income for the next six months, etc."

I would gladly accept an email from either a dream man or from a job that would help me get rich quick. Alas, 98% of the emails I get are just ads for things. Why do I ever agree to be on websites' mailing lists?!

You and me, Ralphie. We get it.

You should really read the whole essay; it rocks and is funny and true.

The good thing is that even when I decide to have a nice little Sulk Day, I know that I have a bunch of kick-a friends and family and fun things around me. And I should really read this article from Pres. Monson every morning when I wake up and just quit being such a baby.

This is a very girly list

MY LATEST OBSESSIONS:

Felicity
Once upon a time, in the fall of 2010, the amazing Carly J.C.* Backlund showed me the first season of J.J. Abrams' (yes, THAT J.J. Abrams**) college telenovela (except in English). This month I finished the rest of the series, and all I want to do is rave about it. The characters rock; the plots, while dramatic, are never too over-the-top (final 5 episodes excluded, obvs); there are hilarious parts, usually involving Megan because she rocks; and the people are beautiful. I mean COME ON:

Keri Russell is one of the most naturally beautiful women EVER.

Scott Foley is freaking adorable (and look, here he is on a different show with a gun! I do think that a buzz cut would've greatly benefited Noel on the show...as overwhelming as my love for him is, I have to admit that his hair does get a little floppy at times).

And then we have Scott Speedman. Ben Covington is an amazing character personality-wise (interesting, funny, flawed, and just an all-around good person), and when you factor in Scott Speedman's physical perfection, it's all over. You're toast.

Ingrid Michaelson's Human Again

I literally cannot stop listening to this over and over. Somehow all the songs are musical versions of my feelings from this past month...which are pretty dang rollercoastery and insane, I'll have you know. I am especially obsessed with "Ghost," "Do It Now," "How We Love," and "This is War".

Tricking people into thinking I dyed my hair

I really didn't dye my hair brown. My natural color has just finally revealed itself. I've been denying it for a while now, see?

But no, the highlights seem to have finally grown out. And that, my friends, is science! Or something.

Sleeping in until at least 11

It should really stop. But when my internship is one at which I can dictate my own schedule and I don't have any classes...it's probably just going to continue.

Sarah Dessen

Sarah Dessen is my new favorite Young Adult author. Holy crap her books make you feel good. My faves thus far are Dreamland and Just Listen. #feelings

The February picture in my 2012 Pug Puppies calendar

Look at the one on the left!! Will he please be my Valentine?!?!?!?! 

Well, it is the afternoon; I suppose I should go brush my teeth.

*Hey, cool! Now my initials are also part of your initials. FOREVER :) :) :)

**As if there were a different J.J. Abrams. Not really a common name.